we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
