if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
