I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
jump out the window naked night went bad
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
