Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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