You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
