I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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