i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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