i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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