I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
