would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
