she was so not down for the gang bang
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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