They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
