The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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