Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
