Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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