Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
