i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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