Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
