I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
