When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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