I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
