I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
