My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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