we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
