Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
