she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
