Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
