im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This baby is an asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
