someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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