hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
