Are we in a gay sports bar?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
