I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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