If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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