my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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