What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
