you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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