left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
