break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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