benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
