Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
