Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
