theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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