I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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