im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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