somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
