i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
