What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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