she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
pop tarts are not kleenex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
