Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
