you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
