I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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