dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
