Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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