i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
