i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
