Jerry, you need to find god
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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