I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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