I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
