when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
