just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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