Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
