Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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