My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
