let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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