So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
