New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
