He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
