Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
