i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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