did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
