So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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