I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
