Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
