I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...