Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.