We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.