im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.