whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
